The challenge of not succumbing to the appearance of goodness.
Holiness is not doing what’s ‘right’ according to ‘morality’. Holiness is following your truth no matter what it looks like. Morality is sometimes a showcasing of ‘goodness’. It may look holy but be far from. Not adhering to the looks of things may trigger a lot of fear in you. And it may piss off a lot of people in the process.
In many ways, we are conditioned be ‘good’ for the appearance of ‘goodness’. But the appearance of goodness and actual goodness are two sometimes very different things and at times diametrically opposed. When you can no longer follow or do for the sake of the appearance of good, you will have to face in yourself the false shame and guilt for ‘not being good’.
“Not adhering to the looks of things may trigger a lot of fear in you. And it may piss off a lot of people in the process.”
What’s true for you may not look very ‘good’. May not be pleasing to the eyes of society, family, culture and the values of ‘goodness’ they uphold. Fear and terror of going against the grain of ‘agreed upon goodness’ is a very real thing. Because the animal of the body suddenly doesn’t feel safe and for good reason.
It’s opposing the tribe, going against unspoken rules (and sometimes spoken rules) to follow its heart – all the while not knowing where all this will lead, not knowing if it’s supported by something unseen or whether it’s gone mad. To live on this edge of leaning away from the upheld ‘good’, the upheld norm is a challenge to the nervous system.
What’s true for you may not look very ‘good’. May not be pleasing to the eyes of society, family, culture and the values of ‘goodness’ they uphold.
So much fear is fired up and a discomfort of not knowing whether you’re safe or not at all times is taxing. Leaning into safety and relaxation becomes that much more challenging. Because something wants to be on the frontlines in defense mode in case there’s an attack. To be able to recognize that this is happening in you and acknowledge the terrified one inside is no small feat by any means.
It requires real courage, a real shot in the dark kind of willingness to be able to live on this edge. And it’s painful and hard and uncomfortable. It’s not something to sneeze at and it’s not something to throw spirituality at. Because the threat is real in a sense, you are provoking a lot of folks and it would be naive or a kind of denial to be nonchalant about it.
Trusting your gut is key here because when you’re outnumbered, it’s so easy to start doubting yourself and to feel insane. Especially with the added magic trick of the appearance of goodness being showcased by Tom, Dick and Harry. And here you are being a no good Sally.