Same same, NOT different.
It’s ironic to see and realize that all the things ‘you’ did in the past that were upsetting to so many were actually coming from a place of wanting to dance on the edge of life and not knowing how. Being pummeled with “you’re bad, you’re crazy, you’re worthless” for daring to go to the edge and play with the limits of “what’s allowed”.
It’s not about some guy or sex or partying or even fighting with anybody. It was about experimenting on the edge. Trying to break free from the monotony and deadness of conditioning of what’s not true for you but everyone around you was insisting was.
And having to doubt yourself and feel in your bones that there’s more to life than this, there’s more to existence than this, there has to be – that’s the magic. That’s the part of you that believes in and knows magic. Knows endless possibilities and refuses to settle for the given and permitted possibilities.
Fuck that, fuck you is what you said and did. No matter how messy, it was divine. It was to be held in reverence not shame. But you can do that now, not as a convincing of yourself or those parts of you that were battered in the unholy shaming of your heart. But as a holding of your heart to the light of what you know to be true in your bones, in your, breath and to bow to that freedom in you that came up against all the odds and said NO.
Fuck that, fuck you is what you said and did. No matter how messy, it was divine. It was to be held in reverence not shame.
No to this. No to you. No to trying to limit me. This isn’t true. This isn’t real. Because it closes the heart. It closes love. It closes freedom. And their “righteousness” the righteousness of the “holier than thou” was and is bullshit, is a lie. You know it and you can call it. Enough doubting. Enough second-guessing. Enough playing small for the sake of their fragile egos.
They SUCKED the living life out of life. And you couldn’t bear it. Why would you? Why would anyone? Amen to that, to calling it, to naming it, to standing in your power and knowing and not letting anyone stir that doubt in you with their cunningness. Being cunning is a symptom of stupidity. Not an accolade. And you don’t have to bow to that false God any longer.
Name it, recognize it, call it. False god. Where cunningness is seen as wisdom and truth is seen as the enemy, that’s not a world you want to live in and rightly so. Because that is a world where the heart goes to die. And to protect yourself from that world, to protect your heart, to protect your knowing, your clarity from that is the the ultimate act of love from love.
A protection and reverence for your heart to grow and be nurtured in truth. To protect that fiercely is the act of a true warrior and to have the feeling that you would die for it is a testament to your devotion. Devotion isn’t making namaste hands and becoming a “spiritual person”. Devotion is being willing to die for truth as a way of life. And you have that. And it is a testament to your power, to your strength, to your LOVE of LIFE. To your love of GOD. To your love of TRUTH.