The one who’s got her shit together, puts herself first versus the raggedy one who’s forgets about herself. Alternating between one and the other. Judging one from the other. One’s better, one’s worst. One’s good, the other’s bad.
I’m not working out enough, I am cleaning too much. – This stress, this inner judgement of the “unawake me” versus the “awake me”. This is where you can really lose yourself in “spiritually” which in itself has become a “culture” – a thing.
Ping-ponging from the beta version to the 2.0 version is the stress, is the suffering. The one trying to create balance, become more sovereign, more independent – as a goal versus the one trying to leave behind the raggedy, over-extending, “conditioned” version of herself.
Grasping onto the new and improved, sovereign, worked out, healthy, balanced 2.0 version and averse to the raggedy, falling apart, needy one. This tension, the push and pull of it, the fear of falling back into something ‘old’, reverting back to “old” habits.
This idea of “the work” being undone. The idea of linearity and progress. I’m getting better, I’m feeling better, I’m getting somewhere. That goal-oriented mindset is the springboard for suffering. Especially when it comes to awakening, “shadow work”, all this stuff becomes something, becomes a “culture”, an interest, a “lifestyle” and thus bastardized.
That goal-oriented mindset is the springboard for suffering. Especially when it comes to awakening, “shadow work”, all this stuff becomes something, becomes a “culture”, an interest, a “lifestyle” and thus bastardized.
This isn’t the point. This idea of a new and improved version of myself needs to be seen for the stress and misguided springboard for suffering that it is. We’re not “getting” anywhere. Not trying to improve or prove anything, let alone hold onto being improved and avoid and deny anything that falters from the “new heights” we’ve reached.
This is hokum. Bullshit. La la land. A new false dream. A new egoic fantasy more dangerous than the simpleton ego which knew nothing of spirituality. Ego 2.0 – insidious and misguided at best. Don’t go down this road. There’s nothing there except more of the same bullshit with ‘higher’ stakes.
Your heart closes with this for a reason. The one who can’t get her shit together is there for a reason. She’s not something to be denied or cleaned up quick or worked on for good riddance. This isn’t the point, to be all polished, to be this as opposed to that. No. This is delusional.
There’s an integrity that doesn’t shun older versions or seek newer versions. It doesn’t play these games. This integrity is not contrived. It’s not something, it has no ambition to speak of. It knows nothing that is sacred and nothing that is not sacred. It’s like dirt. “Dogshit awareness”.
This integrity is inherent in you. It’s the part the calls out funny business when it sees it. It’s not hoity-toity. Not elevated. Not up there with the angels and luminous beings beyond your reach – whatever your reach is.
There’s something to bringing this completely down to earth. Not calling on anything holy. Because in that there’s a distinction. The moment you see a tree as holy, the tree becomes separate. It becomes a thing of the “beyond” and you become this lowly sure-as-hell unholy thing outside of it.
So drop this nonsense, bring it down to earth. Don’t shy away from it. Because you’ve seen the dangers of calling things holy and getting carried away with language making things bigger and more grandiose than our understanding. Keep it simple. Keep it on the ground-level. Nothing fancy.