There is something inherently scary about the dense masculine conditioning in its destructiveness, abuse of power and blind arrogance. The unpredictable, compulsive, impulsive, repulsive way in which the false masculine behaves and on which patriarchy is founded scares women to their core.
There’s a deep female wound which feels betrayed by the false masculine. Betrayed by his unreliability and his antagonism toward her. She is furious at his abuse of his given freedoms. Feeling as though she has to rely on keeping his madness at bay; she resents him for it.
She tries to control his actions and behavior out of fear for her own safety. Because of the imbalance of power, rights and cultural, as well as, social inequality between them, she is in a bind. She feels as though her freedom depends on him; the father, the son, the husband, the brother – but that he is utterly unreliable.
A codependent relationship is born out of a fear of him ‘losing his shit’ where she develops a strategy to control his behavior by either manipulating or appeasing him. This is most apparent in the marriage culture where women are encouraged to exercise their ‘wisdom’ when it comes to dealing with their husbands. This ‘wisdom’ is nothing but a strategy born out of fear- the fear of men.
Admit to this fear. Don’t try to act unafraid or force your ‘independence’. Don’t berate or judge yourself for all the ways this fear leaks into your words, actions and behavior.
It’s understandable why you’re afraid. Why you’re wary. Why you’re traumatized into silence. Into not even bothering. It’s understandable why you don’t trust why you feel like he doesn’t have your back. It’s understandable why you live as though you need to justify your existence to him. As though you don’t own your time, your space or even yourself. It’s understandable. And if there’s shame there; shame for being in this place of terror – include that too.