You don’t need to “wait” for anybody. Your path is not dependent on somebody else’s. Your path is your own. Solitary. You can travel alongside others but not with them.
Any relational entanglement comes from believing that we are bound to one another. Where someone else’s decisions, beliefs , behavior or ‘progress’ determines or defines your own potentiality. That is co-dependency. Bound to let you down.
Freedom comes when there is the freedom to leave. Everyday anew. This could be it. No guarantees of tomorrows and forever. When you are free to leave, you can choose to be here. Your mobility is not bound by another’s. Whether it be a partner, friend, or a spiritual teacher.
You have the space and choice to keep things open. Optional. Available. Possibilities are present. You are not a slave to anyone.
But this is not the norm. And so you can’t look to anybody for validation in this. Not even to your closest. Not even in spiritual circles. When you are not bound, it does not matter what the other chooses to do or not do, to say or not say.
Because it’s okay if our paths diverge. There’s no agenda in trying to make things cohesive and match up so we end up at the same place. So often we are lost in the bondage of togetherness that we end up losing ourselves and losing the other, more so than if we were to physically part ways.
And so this is radical. Because it requires an ongoing honesty and vigilance. No end game. No leaning on. This is the opposite of how mainstream society and culture functions. Where solitariness is not even acknowledged. And agendas are all there is.
This is also challenging when everything in the nervous system is wired for the kind of ‘safety’ that comes with forever and belonging. Something clings to that kind of safety which is like a temporary fix, an addiction.
It’s also important not to judge these patterns. And not to try to overpower these patterns by imposing change from the outside in. Behavioral modifications.
It requires great patience though. Because there is an insidious and subtle sense of despair that comes from comparing yourself to others. Especially in spiritual circles. That is why high praise and devotion triggers you. It triggers doubt in you; that your experience is somehow invalid and not as it should be.
There is actually nothing more ‘devotional’ than being able to disentangle from all that. The spiritual circles, the comparing, the boundedness in relationship, the entanglement of togetherness. Nothing more devotional than being honest and true to your own experience in all it’s confusion.
No landing place means no defining.