Acknowledging the energetic hold the “in-laws” have had on you of trying to prove your worth to them with no avail. How you dress, what you look like, ‘what you’re doing with your life’. Acknowledging the dynamic of them trying to make you feel less than, inferior, having something to prove, compete, make you internally dance like a puppet.
And acknowledging the taking on and believing of that dynamic – dancing that dance with them. Even through aversion. When believed, this dynamic makes you try too hard, not be yourself which is natural and unapologetic. Your natural self doesn’t try to fit in the mold they’ve made for you.
Acknowledging the dynamic as it is, without hating it or wanting to change it. Acknowledging the way things are playing themselves out in you without the defense of feeling ashamed for it and therefore try to hide it or overcompensate with pretense over it.
Your anger is here. That this affects you. And your power lies in being honest to yourself about it. Not deceiving yourself. Not trying to save face or put up a front.
Your anger is here. That this affects you. And your power lies in being honest to yourself about it. Not deceiving yourself. Not trying to save face or put up a front.
It’s not just about externally doing or saying what is true. But also about internal honesty. Loosening the self-judgment around the internal reality. Something in you is touched by them. Deeply so. They touch a wound. And in self-defense, you try to put on a shield of untouchability. Of aversion. Of disgust.
They touch the wound of unworthiness. The wound of deep shame. That is why you feel so unlike yourself. A stranger to yourself. Because in trying to unconsciously appease them through clothes or outer beauty or ‘making something of your life’ – you leave your authenticity and natural worth.
Your authenticity is natural and has nothing to prove. It’s relaxed. At ease. Not swayed by culture or opinion, in fact it sees clearly the limitation of that and stays true to itself regardless. To it’s effortlessness and inherent belonging which isn’t dictated by someone else.
Softly recognizing the hurt there. And the humility in accepting that this is so in you. Otherwise, it’s pride masquerading as not being affected, being untouchable. And it is not true because you are affected. Start from there.