I love my mischief. The fact that I am not always ‘good’. In there is my wildness. And my freedom from ‘good’ and ‘bad’. My wildness is untethered. It is not tamed. Untrained. Boundless. Free. In my wildness is my femininity. The true feminine which has not been conditioned.
My femininity is sensual, exotic, powerful, fierce. The true feminine has been sexualized by the conditioned masculine. Made dirty, impure, and thus shameful. But the true feminine is where all the power, confidence and certainty lie. And so to be distrustful of that is to deprive oneself of true power, confidence and certainty.
In truth, I love my true feminine for it is truth, it is my truest expression. And She loves me for I am Hers. She does not know shame for there is nothing to be shameful for. Shame is the conditioned feminine. For in shame, there is no access to Her true power.
Shames makes me a slave; it eats me up inside. Keeps me locked in chains. Immobile. Downward spiraling. For the eyes of the lustful masculine have taught me to walk with my head down. Not in humility but in shame.
Having been blamed for making man lustful. Illogical. Soft. At the mercy of his humanity. His powerlessness. And nothing upsets him more than this. Although he loves me because he longs for Her. And I love him for I long for Him. There is nothing ‘dirty’ or ‘impure’ about this but the nature of things. It is natural and therefore pure.
It is only impure when it is imbued with shame. For shame implies impurity and brings forth puritanical thought and behavior. Without shame, none of which would make sense or exist.
The nature of things is neutral. It does not discriminate. Like the sun does not know whether it’s shining in California or Cairo.It does not know. Same for the sky. The sky is the same everywhere. It’s one. We can look at everything in this way. The plants do not know where they are. Or if they are on someone’s “property”. They do not discriminate and they do not belong to anyone. They don’t know whether the garden reflects poorly or badly on ‘your’ gardening or on the aesthetics of your home. They belong to the sun and to the earth. Just as you do. Dependent and in that dependence belonging, for you could not survive away from the sun or the earth. Neutrality makes clear the nature of things and it in itself is natural.
Being natural is not two different things but one. Being is natural. It is flow. It is not complex. Not far-reaching. But simple and obvious. It does not require much. It is not born through thought which often complicates it. But through the senses. Watching a bird, hearing its song. Feeling the breeze. Breathing. It’s only when the mind gets involved that things become hard and rigid and often unnatural. Nature naturally attunes you to your natural state which is synonymous with ease even if there is dis-ease. It requires forgetting yourself. Which is easier if you allow things to show you their wisdom and majesty. Like watching a falcon soar in the sky. Everything natural is rooted here. In what is, in neutrality and for no reason.
Moderation is also your friend. But it is not easy to come by when you’ve been trained to live in fear and distrust. Moderation comes from acknowledging excess. Hoarding is the expression of excess – not frugality. For in hoarding, you deny the reality of your excess by refusing to look at it. You just store and hide it so as to not confront it. Excess comes from fear of deprivation. Of the poor, the hungry. This fear breeds guilt. We’ve been conditioned to practice frugality out of guilt for the poor, the deprived. But this is violence. It’s not natural. Guilt and fear are not neutral but extreme. In acknowledging excess, we need not indulge in guilt for that only perpetuates the cycle of frugality out of fear and more hoarding.
If you want to be moderate you can’t force it. You have to acknowledge where you are without shaming yourself. Without guilt. And without fear. But with kindness. Be kind to your excess. And in that kindness be neutral towards it. In other words, don’t judge it. When you don’t judge, it’s easier to see things as they are in their natural neutrality. Without right and wrong. Without punishment and reward. You can be clear as to the way things are in you for this moment and this helps things come into balance more easily. We have been taught that to be ‘good’, we have to punish ourselves for the ‘bad’ things we do. But this is violence and is not efficient or effective – more like a waste of time. Neutrality helps with lack of judgment, which helps bring things back to balance and moderation which is our natural way of being. We naturally don’t want to be wasteful. We naturally want to live in balance. It’s only by believing we are bad for not being able to do so that creates distortion within us and dysfunction in our lives.
When you are lost, find neutrality within yourself, which means stop judging yourself and dividing. Making good and bad. This will help bring things into balance and reveal to you your natural way of being – which is not something you have to think about, practice or contrive. It just reveals itself to you and you only notice it. Don’t strive to be moderate but be honest and kind about your immoderateness and you will find it more natural to live your life in moderation. Do not judge yourself for ‘failing’ for that only prolongs suffering. Lastly, notice all that is already natural within you – that you don’t even think about.
In the face of abnormal behavior, it’s okay to resort to unorthodox means. You tried your best. You did your best. To communicate. To bond. To be heard. To hear. All of it. You did all of it. You left no stone unturned. And so it’s okay to trust your gut. Even if it’s at the expense of being a little risky. It’s only risky to the fearful one in you. But to your self, it’s natural, simple, logical.
Believe it or not, you are the sane one here. You belong here. You deserve to be treated with love, simplicity and respect. That’s not too much to ask.
