Slow down. Notice the hurry. Not enough time, not enough space. Lots to do.
This premise is not real. It’s like a mirage. This sense of urgency has no validity to it once it’s really looked at and inspected. It’s a sense of urgency that is inherited from the outside world, from those around you as well as a deeply held trauma and conditioning. It can be released. It can be let go of.
Come back to simplicity. To the simplicity of this moment. Unencumbered by anything else. Forget all the should do, must do, have to do... and come back here to the simple fact of being here. With no responsibility. Nothing to take care of. Nothing to fulfill. Just simple being.
When we interact with the world, with others, with family, there’s a lot that can get touched in us. Triggered in us. And so it’s important to slow down and allow whatever has been touched to percolate and reveal itself by slowing down.
The hurry, the inability to sit, the sense of activation, the sense of urgency is both a trauma in itself and a reaction to a trauma bubbling up to the surface. One of it’s symptoms is a wanting not to be activated or triggered. And is often the top layer that needs to be recognized for what it is and acknowledged for it’s right to be here too.
When something is being digested, it needs space. It needs permission to be activated, triggered. It needs an inner permission to be uncomfortable. Otherwise, it’s really uncomfortable. Double whammy.
Running from the activation further agitates the trauma. It tires and exhausts the body. And it disorients and overwhelms the mind. So slowing down and dropping everything is the most important step.
Ground is what it’s all about here. Earth. Ground. Breath. Birds. Cat. Slowing down even more. Moving fast is fuel for the fire of trauma.
Slowing down is like drenching this fire with water. It stops raging and starts being quenched. Not by suppressing it but by moving slow and sinking deeper into it. Giving space for it. Allowing it to be here to show itself. Not saying, no this shouldn’t be here.
Allowing it means, letting in the exhaustion. The exhaustion of trying to fight it. The exhaustion of not allowing it. Allowing it means feeling as shitty as we really feel. Feeling as tired as we really feel. Acknowledging that something is triggered and activated and that that’s okay. Not trying to override it by going back to ‘normal’ to the routine of everyday life.
Allowing it also means minimizing further triggers when the body is already in a state of overwhelm. So forgetting the narrative and creating a safe space for processing the felt-sense of what’s going on in the moment. Resting, sitting, napping, walking. Staying hydrated. Dropping out of what I think is going on, into what’s actually going on.
What gets in the way of allowing is often this sense of urgency which is really a defense mechanism in the form of escape. The sense of urgency or escape is also further fueled by the world. The collective conditioning of living at super speed. Where getting things done and fast is top priority. Not moving slow, not checking in, not meeting what’s coming up.
So there has to be an understanding and accepting of that discrepancy. And the willingness to fall behind so to speak. Not trying to keep up with anyone. And not heeding to the sense of urgency that is demanded from you by the world. Not buying into the premise of urgency and falling out of that wavelength completely by noticing the symptoms of it.
These symptoms can be external like rushing through chores, moving from this to that without pause, not tuning into the body, checking your phone compulsively, not acknowledging your boundaries for personal space when it’s needed, feeling like there’s something you’ve got to do and you’re not sure what it even is. Trying to get to the end of the day. Feeling like you have homework or something.
The sense of urgency can also be internal like an intense spiritual seeking as a means to avoid the trauma. Wanting to reach an end point. A place or state where you’re no longer at the mercy of being triggered.
Noticing the triggered sense of urgency and escape is key to unwinding this spell. So noticing the doer rushing through chores and recognizing that this is a symptom of a trauma. Recognizing the behavioral mechanism of escaping, running, rushing.
And noticing the spiritual seeker’ sense of urgency includes seeing the strategies it uses to try to cope with trauma. So the spiritual seeker sees trauma as an indication of failure on the path or as something to avoid. And knowing that this seeker is a symptom of the trauma itself.
It’s a protective mechanism that comes in spiritual clothing to say this is too much, I don’t want to be here. Or I need to be on high alert so that I’m not triggered anymore. It’s a subtle inner critic of our internal state as meditative or not meditative. It’s an inner violence acting out toward the trauma by trying to avoid it or keep it contained.
It may seem “unspiritual” but the most spiritual thing you can do for yourself when trauma is activated is to drop spirituality completely and come back down to earth. No existential questions, no self inquiry, no spiritual tricks or states to bypass trauma. No having to meditate so that I am not triggered.
And it’s okay to be all over the place. Kind of floating about. There are no requirements here. You don’t have to feel a certain way or live in accordance to what last week looked like. You can relax in knowing that everything is as it should be and you’re doing the best you can. That in itself opens the way for relaxation to happen and for whatever is lurking beneath to reveal itself.
Maybe sadness is here. Just be sad. Maybe a certain sense of numbness or despair is here. Blasé. Let that be here too. Be blasé. Maybe fear is here. Disappointment. Disillusionment. Shallow breathing and a sense of being disembodied. None of it is wrong. None of it is bad. Not even the sense of urgency is bad. It’s all welcome here. Nobody is judging your ‘performance’, your ability to stay centered except your own mind.