Trying to not let anything hurt you is a suffocating stance. And it can be dressed up in spiritual clothing with a subtle agenda. It looks like trying to be two steps ahead. And it’s disguise is, “I can face anything”.
But this could be a fear (possibly from an underlying unmet trauma) masquerading as bravery or invincibility. It’s like trying to skip a step.
“I’m not scared of not having money.”
When really deep down there’s a deep fear and an overlay of pretense to cover up that vulnerability, that fear. Bulldoze your way over it by speaking too soon, acting too prematurely.
And it can look very convincing. But this is the personal self trying to be “brave”. And it can get confusing because if there’s more of a deepening into true sovereignty then it can appear to be a byproduct of that. And maybe some of it is.
But there’s something to going really slow and not trying to skip over anything. Not trying to override something because it’s secretly labeled as a ‘weakness’, as non-spiritual. Being dependent on money or being scared of losing money is not an advanced spiritual person‘s problem.
And this is where it gets tricky because there’s a part that wants to get to invincibility with the agenda of never getting hurt again. And that’s the clue. Because true invincibility is not trying to avoid hurt, not trying to avoid problems.
It might seem counterintuitive to err on the side of caution, the side of humility. But humility, real humility, is more open and honest. It’s more like… I don’t know what I would be like in this situation, maybe some stuff could come up for me. And it’s not a disappointment because the only one that’s disappointed about stuff coming up is the spiritual person. It wants to be invincible and it can’t be.
So it’s like recognizing the running shoes that one is wearing of wanting to speed past everything. And slowing down even more. Especially when there’s a triggery, uncomfortable, unresolved situation or circumstance percolating in the background.
You might not have any immediate decisions to make or any immediate actions to take. But the situation or circumstance is still lurking somewhere in the back recesses of the mind. The “spiritual person” can then try to overlay another defense mechanism of denying the fact that this is percolating, this is weighing on me just a little bit. And this denial can be dressed in spiritual clothing too.
“This triggery circumstance, unresolved situation doesn’t exist for me because nothing is happening right now in The Present Moment.”
Very sneaky spiritual bypassing. Taking spiritual teachings verbatim and over simplifying them. Because things can be happening below the surface and it’s not easy to catch if something is off-kilter because it’s unconscious.
One little clue is to notice if there’s any unusual behavior on your part happening. No matter how seemingly insignificant, it’ll feel a little off. And it can have a sort of false calmness behind it.
Another clue is to try and sense (without judgment) whether you’re actually operating from truly not knowing or if you’re two steps ahead. Then you know, you’re either preemptively striking or defending. That’s called strategy. You’ll notice you’re out of the simplicity of not knowing and into the complexity of time, people, things, decisions, anticipation, bracing.
Strategy is a protection mechanism to cover up the discomfort of not knowing. Especially when that something triggery is taking time to resolve itself. You want to get it over with already. Move past it. That’s a red flag.
And it’s then that you can notice…
Oh something’s off here, I’m trying to skip over something.
Not as a force, a slamming of the brakes. But just by noticing.
Oh, I’m two steps ahead again.
Let’s move snail pace. Let’s be two steps behind or under or at a side angle.