Bowing to the unspiritual, addicted, messy and messed up bad one inside. The one that can’t sit still, made the ‘wrong’ decisions. Can’t seem to get her act together. Whatever that means. Bowing to this one. This one that’s been hammered with you’re not good enough, what you’re doing is wrong, you need to do better, try harder, be different, you should be doing better by now!
Let’s stop fighting with her. Messing with her. She’s been fought with and messed with enough already. Give her a break. Take off the pressure of trying to get somewhere. The somewhere of perfection. This is a pipe dream. There’s no somewhere to get to. There’s no if only this wasn’t here, then… I’ll be…. fill in the blanks. Free? Loved? Good enough? Finished? Saved? Enlightened?
Instead let’s try something new for a change. Just this once. Let be the imperfection and the mess. The frazzled, don’t know what to do, if I’m doing it right, I’m failing, I’m failing mess. Let be the mess. Be a mess. That’s the freedom.
Then, I can breathe now. I don’t have to tie myself into knots because of the idea that the mess is wrong. Because that idea creates war. Arguing with what is. Impatience is here, restlessness is here, boredom is here, disorientation is here, an energetic knot of inexplicable movement is here. Okay. It’s not comfortable. It’s not what the spiritual ego, superego wants it to look like by now. I’ve done enough work on myself and by now I should be…. fill in the blank.
Pipe dream.